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101 Uses. 1 Rag. Infinite Containment.
This is NOT a rag. This is a Class-A technological textile woven under optimal conditions, designed by The Division of Liminal Reveries. The Oneiric Absorption Unit (OAU) is the world’s first portable vessel for psycho-pompic mold, emotional muck, and hypnagogic grime.
Primary Function:
Wipe your face. Wipe your soul. Remove lingering despair.
Certified For Use On:
Free-floating anxiety
Overshared memories from strangers
Guilt fog
Regret sweat
Hypnagogic residue
Forehead sheen
Worry buildup on mirror surfaces
101 USES INCLUDE:
Buff out a bad decision
Mop up tea spills
Smother the echo of something you should’ve said
Line your pillowcase to trap pre-dream static
Offer it to a passing shadow in a hallway
Catch loose thoughts that have teeth
Place under your tongue to savor the flavor
Patch a leaky pipe
Polish your third eye
Use it as a tourniquet for a broken timeline
Wrap around playing cards to imbue with power
Toss it into the corner of the room you don’t trust
Use it to wrap a gift for a friend
Hold it while crying to see which emotion it eats first
Wipe away somatic sand
Absorb the last three years of that one situationship
Dab your eyes after a psychopompic papercut
Fold it into a crane
Smother an echoing “what if?”
Clean the mirror before asking it questions
Absorb the guilt from a candle you blew out too soon
Whisper into it nightly. When full, burn under the new moon (outside).
Care Instructions:
Hand-wash. Do not bleach—unless authorized by a certified nocturne technician. Tumble dry on a low-frequency hum.
Warning: Absorbed content may become semi-sentient. Keep away from open portals and untrained psychics. This rag does not forgive, but it forgets beautifully.
Disclaimer: The Oneiric Absorption Unit is a fictional artifact sold as a novelty item. All descriptions, uses, and classifications are entirely satirical and should not be interpreted as medical, spiritual, or metaphysical advice. This rag will not actually absorb your trauma, bind spirits, or repair fractures in the timeline.
101 Uses. 1 Rag. Infinite Containment.
This is NOT a rag. This is a Class-A technological textile woven under optimal conditions, designed by The Division of Liminal Reveries. The Oneiric Absorption Unit (OAU) is the world’s first portable vessel for psycho-pompic mold, emotional muck, and hypnagogic grime.
Primary Function:
Wipe your face. Wipe your soul. Remove lingering despair.
Certified For Use On:
Free-floating anxiety
Overshared memories from strangers
Guilt fog
Regret sweat
Hypnagogic residue
Forehead sheen
Worry buildup on mirror surfaces
101 USES INCLUDE:
Buff out a bad decision
Mop up tea spills
Smother the echo of something you should’ve said
Line your pillowcase to trap pre-dream static
Offer it to a passing shadow in a hallway
Catch loose thoughts that have teeth
Place under your tongue to savor the flavor
Patch a leaky pipe
Polish your third eye
Use it as a tourniquet for a broken timeline
Wrap around playing cards to imbue with power
Toss it into the corner of the room you don’t trust
Use it to wrap a gift for a friend
Hold it while crying to see which emotion it eats first
Wipe away somatic sand
Absorb the last three years of that one situationship
Dab your eyes after a psychopompic papercut
Fold it into a crane
Smother an echoing “what if?”
Clean the mirror before asking it questions
Absorb the guilt from a candle you blew out too soon
Whisper into it nightly. When full, burn under the new moon (outside).
Care Instructions:
Hand-wash. Do not bleach—unless authorized by a certified nocturne technician. Tumble dry on a low-frequency hum.
Warning: Absorbed content may become semi-sentient. Keep away from open portals and untrained psychics. This rag does not forgive, but it forgets beautifully.
Disclaimer: The Oneiric Absorption Unit is a fictional artifact sold as a novelty item. All descriptions, uses, and classifications are entirely satirical and should not be interpreted as medical, spiritual, or metaphysical advice. This rag will not actually absorb your trauma, bind spirits, or repair fractures in the timeline.